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hopeful

Written By: Giovanna Ragsdale 2018

 

Feet on the damp grass, nose up smelling the fresh air. I'm standing on top of the hill, looking down mesmerized by the beauty. I feel as if I've been here before, as if I've already felt the warmth and love the wind whispers into my heart, warming it filling it with promises. I close my eyes and imagine all the possibilities this hill has to offer. All the memories that could be made, the stories and secrets that could be shared. Suddenly a brisk cold breeze awakens my eyes, my heart begins to beat rapidly as the wind no longer whispers but yells cruel words. I open my eyes to a whole new side of the hill, the flowers are no longer beautiful, the grass is no longer green but rather gray, the warmth and comfort is no longer there. I begin to feel uncomfortable as my heart trembles in pain. I'm pushed rapidly off the cliff and as I roll down, as bruises fill my back, I close my eyes. I pray and ask you for help until you fill my heart and you tell me that the landing will be made of cotton and not cement. As I shut my eyes, I'm blinded by the truth that you were lying. I ask and ask until you fill me from head to toe. The more I roll down the hill the more my heartaches. Faster and faster it beats. As I crash onto the concrete floor, it leaps out of my chest. It lies there, lifeless, loveless. Expectations begin to roll down my cheek as I lay there broken. My head spins as I hear your selfish laugh, louder and louder it gets as if you're making fun of me. 

 

I now know where I am now and self-hatred fills my heart, for believing in you, hope. How could I hope once again? I shake my head and hope this is all a bad dream but I now remember why I had felt this "Deja Vu" in the first place, because I've believed in your lies over and over again and every single time I've fallen, I get back up because you blind me and make me forget the pain I felt when rolling down the hill, you remind me of the joy I felt at the top. 

That doesn't matter though because in the end, deep inside I know you'll always be there, looking over my shoulder giving me false expectations you want me to believe and filling me with your own sorrow. 

Oh well, it's okay because I still have hope.

NOTICE: This is my first public "short story/poem",

it's been tough deciding whether I should publish this

or not. So tell me if you like it or not :)